


It's okay, you know

by Caoten



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Feelings Jams, Gen, God tier swap, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Indulgent, Thief of Void Rose Lalonde, kin memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 07:48:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13453704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caoten/pseuds/Caoten
Summary: It is starting to get close to the end of the three years long meteor trip. And its social state is in total decay.A good sister finds her brother sulking in a corner, and quickly realises something is wrong. She just wants him to be happy.One-shot written from Dave's POV.





	It's okay, you know

She came to me after a few hours. Or maybe it had only been one. Time seemed so irrelevant on the meteor anyway, the days melted together and no one seemed to notice if you were gone for a few. Actually, people disappeared only to reappear quite regularly. Anyway, it didn’t really matter how much time had passed, I just knew that I had been sitting there for a long,  _ long  _ ass fucking time.

When she came, I didn’t notice her at first. I sat staring at the wall in front of me, appearing to be deep in thought, when in reality, my mind was completely blank. One second I was alone, the next she was sitting there right beside me.

We both sat staring at the wall together for a while. But the spell was broken, and I could feel the world returning to my body and my head getting clearer and clearer by the second. The floor was hard and I became aware of the bruises on my ass and the back of my legs.  _ Damn thin ass skin was frail. _

“So,” she began, tilting her leantback head towards me and shuffling a bit closer. “How are we on this  _ cozy  _ eve of this one hundred and thirty-fifth week on this  _ cozy  _ prison of a rock?” She had really mastered the art of sarcastic chipperment.

I turned to look at her. “You been counting?”

She held my gaze. Steady. The seconds ticked on, and I felt how I was getting drowsy from staring into her heavy-lidded, indigo eyes. They seemed to swirl. She blew away the strands of blonde hair that fell into her face. But she kept my gaze.

I gave up and turned around again, locking my eyes on the ceiling this time. “I can’t believe you’ve been counting.”

She shuffled closer once again, almost touching me, obviously in an attempt to taunt me. “Someone’s got to. For the Bible, you know?”

“The  _ Bible _ ?”

“Yeah, you know…” She pointed to her dark blue pyjamas, and then to my red, as she explained, with the clarity and pedagogy of a kindergarten teacher. “Gods - people. Gods - followers. We - Gods. Bible, for people.”

“That’s stupid,” I said, and wrapped my cape tighter around myself in a show of ignoring her stupidity.

I felt a firm hand on my shoulder and I was pulled around on my ass. I was faced with the stern face of my sister, not looking away, and the teasing gleam in her eyes had gone. She pierced my eyes with her own, and she was not smiling anymore. She looked… concerned.

“Really, Dave. What is going on with you?”

I stared at her. She stared back. The silent competition continued. Or, competition _ s _ . First, there was the inter-duel, the one about who would win: My sister and her plea for me to open up to her, or my stubborn facade. Second, there was my own personal intra-duel, the one about whether I really wanted to open up all my wounds and confide to her, or not.

I sighed. “It’s really nothing...”

She sighed too, theatrically, and much louder and longer than I had. I could hear her eye roll. “But…?”

I quickly glanced at her. She was sitting close next to me, her legs comfortably spread out next to my curled up person. I swallowed heavily, and turned back to fix my gaze at the ceiling. I closed my eyes. I took one more, deep breath.

“I’m cheating on Jade.”

She didn’t say anything. I didn’t either. I held my breath. I had no idea what was going to happen. I hadn’t talked to anyone about any of it. To be fair, I didn’t talk about much with anyone in general.

I felt a hand placed on my shoulder. Firm, steady. I turned to face her, happy for her support. It felt horrible to tell her all this, opening up had been incredibly hard, and now I wasn’t sure if I wanted to spill all my guts out on the floor for her or never mention anything about it ever again. I knew she had my back though. We always did.

The slap was unexpected.

It stung. It stung bad. I sat still. Very still. It didn’t really feel like it though, everything had slowed down so much that my stillness didn’t feel all that relevant. With my face turned around by the punch, my cheek throbbed painfully.

She didn’t say anything either. If it wasn’t for the bruising growing on my face, I would probably have forgotten that she was there. I didn’t look at her. She didn’t look at me. I could tell, the air was empty and there was no spark between us. It was just quiet, two empty bodies sitting close together on a cold concrete floor. She had had that effect recently.

Then her arms wrapped around me. She buried her face deep into my shoulder. “What is wrong with you Dave why would you do that.” Her voice was muffled by my felt clothes but it sounded thick, and disappointed. But not surprised.

I didn’t know what to say. There always seemed to be something right to say, the words usually came to me like an instant manual out of thin air. But this was the kind of situation that you never imagine yourself being in.

“I-” I began. And ended.  _ Fuck. _

“It’s John isn’t it?”

I didn’t answer. Nothing needed to be said. We both knew.

“How long?”

“...What?”

“How long have you been fucking up?” she repeated. We still didn’t look at each other.

I really didn’t want to explain myself. I didn’t know why I had done it. How were I to explain? I sighed, stuttered out a reply. “You know it ain’t serious. Obviously it isn’t! It’s John we’re talking about here it couldn’t- I couldn’t b-”

“You know that it is okay, right? Dave?”

I tensed up. My blood left my face, it left my entire body. At her words, everything felt so very, very cold. But everything was quiet. I didn’t want to say anything. Having this conversation… it wasn’t where I had thought it would go. I had known it would though.

She grabbed my face and forced me to turn around. I once again found myself trapped in those deep, swirling eyes of hers, but they were warm, they were understanding.

“It’s okay, Dave.”

I felt something building up in my throat. I swallowed twice, and pressed my hands to my eyes to stop them from twitching. Nothing more happened. I pressed the feeling down, nothing was going to come out today.

“‘Londe…” I began, falling back into the habit of using the nickname I had used for her before actually meeting her in person. She had swatted me on the head when I had called her that to her face for the first time though, and had said that it wasn’t pronounced like that. That the ‘E’ was supposed to be silent. “I just- I just can’t do it, okay.”

She squeezed me closer. “Yes, you can, idiot. And you will. He’s not here anymore and you can do  _ whatever you want _ .”

A quiet whimper escaped through my chest at her words, and I slowly dropped my hands down onto my lap. Tiny spots of light danced over my vision and my eyelids had gotten all wet. I knew what she said was true. It was just so very hard to shake the feelings.

“I don’t want him to know,” I whispered, turning to look at her. I really needed to see a face I loved. She looked straight back at me. I took one more breath. “It’s- y’know, It’s like, I don’t want there to be anything wrong with me. It can’t be true and I can’t continue and whenever I’m with John I want to throw myself off the meteor because it’s so gross and if he knew then that’d be what he’d do.”

She shot me a curious look. “Do what?”

“Fling me off the meteor- or the roof, I guess.” I looked up at the ceiling. “People like that just shouldn’t exist.”

“Your bro?”

“No. Or I mean- I mean people like  _ this _ . People like me. Like,  _ queers _ .”

She didn’t say anything. I didn’t either, but I started to feel very uncomfortable. Like the air pressure had suddenly tripled. At last, I turned to her. As soon as she saw that I looked, she spoke up:

“Dude, what the fuck.”

She had gotten up to her feet, and was staring down at me. Though her voice had sounded angry and disgusted, she didn’t look the part. She just looked… sad. I didn’t know for what but I could guess. I clumsily got onto my own legs, and they were stiff from sitting still on the cold, hard concrete for so long.

She continued, getting closer to me and put her face up in my face. “You know that that isn’t true and you know that saying that about yourself hurts me just as much.” Her lip quivered and her nostrils flared, a slight crack sneaking its way into her voice.

“I’m- You’re right, I’m sorry. Fuck, I didn’t mean it. You know that’s not what I meant or what I think. It’s just that it’s so much, ya know? There’s too much and I shouldn’t have to fucking deal with all of it.”

Her face softened and she looked at me sympathetically. She then leaned forward and pulled me into a tight hug, pressing me hard to her body. It was warm, and her strong arms made me feel a feeling of safety that really only she could invoke in me. I sighed out a shaky breath.

“It’s okay. You know I’ve got your back. You know I do. You can talk to me.”

We stayed there for a few more seconds, and I tried desperately to absorb as much warmth as I possibly could and smell her familiar scent. Soap. Vanilla. At last, I pulled away.

She patted my back before letting go, two firm pats. She tilted back her head and looked up at me. “When you tell Jade, which you have to do if I so have to drag you by the hair to her door and kick you to her feet,  _ I’ve got your back. _ ” She took me by the hand and looked me in the eye. Her love warmed me right up, I looked right back at her. She pulled at my left sleeve.“Wanna go grab something to eat in the cantine? Something to drink? Maybe we can look for Aradia or Karkat. What do you say?”

I sniffled and wiped my eyes with the back of the soft pyjama sleeve that she wasn’t holding. I nodded, and took one last shaky breath.

“Yeah.”

**Author's Note:**

> So! That's the end of that bastard! As y'all have probably guessed, this is a really fucking self-indulgent fic lol. Anyway... Thanks for reading, and I hope you liked it!


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